Today I am writing a post about a book that is going to be released the end of this month. And mamas, it is worth buying! The book is Lies Moms Believe by Rebekah Hargraves of HargravesHomeandHearth.com . (I will include a link you can use to purchase the book that will allow me to share a bit of profit also.)
I am ashamed to admit that while I printed out each page and read sentences and titles, I haven’t actually dug into this book. I can list a myriad of excuses/reasons, but honestly it comes down to I didn’t prioritize it. I can assure you though, I cant wait to dig into this book and really study it and grow! (So, who wants to do a Bible Study this summer? I will host and even lead, but I would love some ladies to do this book with!)
Lies Moms Believe, the title alone got me thinking. And so I skimmed the 32 lies and I picked two that I want to highlight and hopefully make you want to purchase the book and grow as a wife and mom, a woman in Christ.
The first lie I want to highlight is Lie # 11: My Children Would Be Better Off Having a Different Mom” Rebekah shares that she had these thoughts as a sleep deprived mom, sobbing in her bathroom. (Ah my heart went out to you, Rebecca, because I have been there! I know my reasons initially were not from sleep deprivation, though my second one sure tested my sanity on not “needing” sleep either!!) For me it was because of my past. I feel inadequate a lot of days! I love my boys tremendously, but sometimes my own hurts clouds my judgement, my decisions, my parenting style is a reflection of that. But as I grow older and allow other godly ladies into my life, I realize that I am not alone. And that no parent does it perfectly. That’s not to say we can learn and improve, but that everyone parents according to their life experiences. And that’s as close to opening “the great parenting style debate” as I will get. Haha
I loved this paragraph from the chapter: In our American culture which worships at the altar of comfort and ease, we have bought into the mistaken idea that if something turns out to be hard or challenging, there must have been a mistake somewhere. We must be doing the wrong thing, have the wrong assignment from God, or be dealing with the wrong set of circumstances since “hard equals bad”, right? (Here she references another lie she addresses in the book.) This paragraph spoke volumes to me! And makes me feel a wee bit guilty as well, because this is exactly what I think sometimes. Just maybe not broken down into these words. Once I saw it worded this way I realized how wrong my thinking was! And I just love how she refuted it! She went to the Bible and all the way back to the Old testament, to the Israelites! She used Jeremiah 29:11, but in context! “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” She says this later and it has just meant so much to me. No, God offered this encouraging reminder when they were in captivity in a foreign land. If they could trust (at such a time) that God had not made a mistake, but rather believe He still had their best interests at heart in His perfect plan, then so can we when we’re feeling as if God made a mistake regarding the mother of our children! We serve a sovereign God who knew our children when He was still forming them within us (Psalm 139:13- 18) and He does not make mistakes.
He does not make mistakes. Never has. Never will. AND what is best is what I remember my pastor recently preaching: God doesn’t waste an experience! So even the sins you willfully committed, even the sins that were committed against you that you had no control over but impact your present day, He will use these experiences.
And one more copied and pasted thought from this chapter before I move on to my next Lie.
There is, however, truth to the idea that we are enough for our children in that we are exactly the mom God designed for them just as we are. You, as your unique self, in the midst of your own sin patterns, strengths, and weaknesses, are enough for your children in the sense that God made you to be who you are, with your particular personality, gifts and characteristics. Knowing this we can rest in the fact that God knew what He was doing when He gave our children specifically to us to raise. Whether we feel like it is true or not, we are the moms the Lord wanted for our children.
You are the mom God wanted your children to have. I am the mom God designed for Alex and Callan to have. We are living in God’s plan, don’t let Satan’s lies distract you and make you feel inadequate for a job God gave you!
Now I will move on to the next lie. There is so much in each of these chapters, I cannot stress it enough: BUY THE BOOK! I’m so excited to have stumbled upon this blogging group and have the privilege of pre- reading this book and able to post this blog to (hopefully) get you as excited about it as I am! So are you excited yet?
Lie # 32 : You Have to “Do” Motherhood the Way the Culture Tells You
Okay, I will be honest. I picked this one from the index because I thought, “easy peasy” , turns out I think God probably chuckled at the truth I was about to ingest. I was raised by an “old school” mom. (Please, don’t tell my mom I used that phrase!) We didn’t rush to the doctor or emergency room very often. We ate PA Dutch cooking. She washed, folded, put away everyone’s laundry. She had the same cleaning routine for decades. She stayed up late to make homemade rolls before her Sunday to be hostess (when you invited people home from church for lunch!). So while I do some things differently, I don’t often parent the same way a lot of moms do today. I buy second hand clothes and shoes for my boys, I don’t push to potty train. This chapter was NOT about that. I smile now though, because honestly there is a BIG issue that keeps staring me in the face and causing me a tremendous amount of stress and frustration. And this chapter shed some truth on the lies I was believing- and didn’t even realize it. For the first night in a week, I slept great and am excited to share!
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 Rebecca uses this reference to remind us that cultural voices are not the voices we are to listen to. The demands, the expectations, the do’s and don’t’s that today’s world demands of mothers isn’t the voice we need to be in tune with. Rebecca said this: We sometimes think that in the day-to-day issues and struggles of life, we are left to our own devices to determine for ourselves what is best. We are not saved to then be right back where we were, dependent on the teachings or expectations of the culture around us.
The expectations on today’s moms are RIDICULOUS. I have the privilege to be a stay at home mom for the time being. And I have an amazing husband who doesn’t mind if I take a day to spend time with the kids or write blogs, or do self-care, as long as he gets to eat a good meal at the end of the day and has clean socks. Haha
We live in an amazing time. Technology, internet, all of the amazing things. I mean, while I race the clock (I set it myself), Callan quietly is watching Kids Youtube. I mean, how amazing! A YouTube just for kids. I can set parental controls and keep his eyes/mind safe! I mean, what a time to live! Yet it’s also harder. Moms are bullies with their opinions, culture allows them to be. Everything from how to have a baby, to school choices are up for debate. And everything else. While Rebekah doesn’t touch on that specifically, I am adding. (Hope that’s okay!) The voice we need to heed, is God’s. It’s okay to read the parenting books, but measure their wisdom against God’s.
So as I read, I got to the section in the chapter entitled The Double-minded Man Is Unstable in All His Ways. Duh, right? Then the first sentence said this: What happens when the Christian places one foot in the Bible and what it says, and the other foot in the world and what it says? He (or she) becomes “unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8)
Something in my heart began to stir. An awakening, like a lie being confronted. Then she said the following:
If we want to be strong, bold, visionary, purposeful, and on a solid foundation in our Christian walk, in our marriages, in our mothering, and in life in general, we are going to have to forever let go of the culture’s teachings and wholeheartedly embrace the Lord’s. If we do so, we will begin to see great fruit being produced in our lives as we wholeheartedly follow Him.
Did you catch it? Is your heart a little pricked?
Recently my husband and I can’t seem to click. I mean we function well, but there’s no quality us time. There’s this literal wall. We both can feel it. We have prayed about it, but both of us feel as if we can’t overcome it. I mean, it’s caused so much friction. (Oooh, honesty is hard.) We talked yesterday again. And I stated I was done. I can’t keep fighting. We spent yesterday morning talking, trying to identify the wall. I did what I do best, blame him. And yes, there is massive shame filling my heart, and I can’t wait til he gets home tonight to talk to him, apologize, and start afresh!
I have one foot in culture’s teachings about being a wife and mother even.
This chapter was so eye opening, and I can’t do it justice. Mostly because it revealed things I must address. And I am glad. I am so glad.
This book is definitely my new favorite book. A book worth consuming, because if you’re like me, there’s going to be these heart pricks and then she leads us into the Word of God and shows His truth.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28- 30
I think those verses sum up this post well. Let them marinate in your heart today!
I hope this post encourages you and sparks a desire to invest and learn to refute the lies we as moms do believe.
P.S. For the Moms local to me, I am serious about the summer Bible Study option!