It’s 10:20 P.M. and my house isn’t as quiet as it should be. Today was the well mocked nor’easter. We had a few inches of snow. I had two exhausted sons and being mentally drained myself, I allowed them both to nap.
When my oldest naps, he doesn’t sleep at night. So I hear him bumping around, as he rolls around.
My husband is probably peacefully snoring, oblivious to the bumps.
It’s just me, my computer, this blog post flowing and Jesus. I have this week’s worship set playing. Mentally practicing, as I can’t belt my notes.
A lot of things on my mind tonight as I type…
As the snow blew in, it fascinated me how it stuck onto the sides of the trees like this! This is my view toward my own personal “hundred acre wood” Haha No, we don’t own a hundred acres, but I loved the lines in the sky, the grey/white and blue, striped across the sky. Trees, bare of their leaves, look so beautiful with snow clinging to the branches.
My “burning bushes” as my mother-in-law calls them got my attention. How heavy the branches are, weighed down by this (very) heavy snow! Yet the branches, bowing low with the weight, did not break.
Literally what I thought as I consider the last few months.
Today I heard of two dear friends who lost someone they loved.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
Two more people gone from this earth. Two families, grieving. People left with holes in their hearts, unsure of how they will face tomorrow without the one they loved there to be in their day.
“If I just had more time” is a regret I have often heard. “Just one more time, I want to see them!”
Ah, if only. It’s not to be. Stop take a moment to think of the names and faces of people you see every day. Think of the people you take for granted that you get to see again the next time you see them.
One day, they may not be there.
Almost two years ago, a photo was featured by a local newspaper in a bad accident with a fatality. Being a lover of cars, I tend to identify people by the cars they drive. I saw the picture and immediately remembered a lady from small group had a van just like that! I made a mental note to stop on Sunday and be sure to give her a hug, give her a moment of my time. That evening I received a phone call. I will never see her on this side of Heaven. It is almost two years now. And she sure is missed.
I tend to keep to myself. Hard to believe I know, especially if you’ve ever met me and my chatty self. I do though. I am guarded, cautious against hurt. Our small group lost two wonderful people before we were ready. A painful reminder that this life isn’t about me, myself, and I.
Learning to be still, to listen and connect. To share life, to love and cry with others, depending on each other for accountability, encouragement, sharing life.
As I walked through my private winter wonderland, amazed at the silence, I was filled with thankfulness. Thankful that someday, this life will be considered “former”. Someday these aches and pains, the deaths will stop. Someday we will all celebrate forever, praising God for the rest of our days.
I am not going to translate my opinion on Revelations, not tonight. While Heaven will be beautiful, there are things I am not sure on. I do plan to snuggle my son, Liam. I do plan to just praise my Jesus because even in the midst of the pain of this life, I know He loves me and carries me. To those mourning a loss, He will carry you too. I do plan to ask Paul questions. And Jesus. And Esther, Rahab. I plan to hug Tamar, Joseph. And I am excited to someday have a mansion. (C’mon, total princess fairytale come true, right there!!!)
For today, there is a way for you to silence the noise. Start small. Set your phone aside, close your laptop, and take a walk outside. Focus on seeing the beauty, even in the midst of an incredibly bad day. Pause. Listen to the sounds, listen to the imaginations your children exhibit. See life from their perspective.
That’s my favorite. As it was getting dark, Alex came inside. I asked him is his snowman was done.
“No, it’s a snow God.”
I immediately looked at him, “What?”
“A snow God. Someone for God to play with when He is done for today, if He wants. I thought He might like someone to play with.” My 6 year old walked away, wondering where his daddy was, completely unaware that he had absolutely blown my mind.
Do I correct him? Where do I start? Is it an idol if he built it as something for God to enjoy?
Then I stopped.
He is 6.
Maybe some of you will disagree, but I am going to choose to let it go. We are asked to give things back to God. That’s my son’s gift. Maybe? I don’t know, honestly I don’t want to overanalyze it. He is 6.
Noise is nice, it keeps us from thinking too deeply. The guilt isn’t as strong if we can’t focus on it.
Make it a habit to silence some of the noise during your day. Turn on worship music, get out of your head space, and worship. See the bigger picture. Focus on the end goal.
A few thoughts I had as I closed out my evening with phone free time and praise music.
I hope this encourages you this week.
P.S. This post is for me too. I am getting unplanned company for the week. I would prefer to say no, stay in my private shell, and not have to be a hostess. But I must remember, even in my pain, I can be a blessing. Or at least, a gracious host. Haha