Peace Seeker: Roses & Tears 

Roses. They’re beautiful and available in so many colors.

“Oh! Beautiful Roses! What’s the occasion?” The saleslady asked.

With tears in my eyes, I managed a smile and said, “They’re for my son’s funeral today.”

I couldn’t see her face, tears blurred my vision and I looked at the floor. She wrapped the roses carefully and expressed her sympathies, and we went on our way.

We gave a white one for my brother to put on my cousin’s grave.

I can hardly look at the grave for my son, it was so tiny. I hold my oldest son close, trying to stay strong. I see the little white casket, so tiny, yet holding a tinier body. I remember his birth, his entrance was unlike his big brothers’.

See, Liam joined our family this week but not how we planned. He was a stillborn. We never heard his cry, never felt his breath. We knew we’d say goodbye, we just never thought we couldn’t say hello.

It was heartbreaking, yet comforting seeing our immediate family gather around us today. No one should bury their nephew, their grandson, their cousin, their son, their brother. Yet there we all stood, supporting each other and loving each other during this tough stuff of life.

Each of my nieces and nephews tossed a rose into the grave. My oldest brought his rose home. The two year old tossed 2 in. I placed one on top of his casket, whispering my love as I did.

Liam Ray, born December 20th, is in Heaven. His body complete, his Christmas will be perfect.

For each of my sons, I pray that their lives are spent living for God. That they don’t make the same mistakes my husband and I did when we were “young and dumb”. I pray their lives are wholesome, their innocence intact, and their hearts seeking God in all they do.

For Liam, I know his days are spent doing what we look forward to someday doing: singing and praising, living with all the saints, and loving the splendor in Heaven.

For now, we grieve. But we also take great comfort in knowing our God is with us, the broken hearted. We know that He answered our prayers, even though not exactly as we asked. He did heal Liam’s body, He made our sweet baby whole.

It’s been a long journey. And I know it’s not over yet. I know our journey while we grieve and heal is only just begun.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your love during this time.

Love and best wishes for a merry Christmas,  


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